Facing Destruction Once Again

When you play with fire, you're bound to get fired somehow.

I've been into relationship again. The very main reason everyone wants to be in a relationship is because they want to have some sense of belonging in another person's mind and heart. Yet again I face the destruction in my mind troubling and thinking how to make her mine. It's so much easier to communicate to another person if you think that you are just going to be a mutual friend that's all. Somehow it's harder to speak up to the person that you like. Fearing that they might give negative opinion or a big shock that might leave a scar in your mind.

My friends have always told me that love isn't hard and there is no easy way to get it unless you are very stubborn into the relationship. I tried once to be stubborn and the rest should be untold as it is filled with pain and suffering that no man will want to go through himself. Maybe it isn't my time yet to like another person. I haven't learn the value to not give up so easily, think positive at all times and be calm at every situation. What's more if I make another person's life a misery instead of happiness.

It's funny how my mind works up every time I like another person. Happy thoughts will come and recede with sadness, disapproval and disappointment. Sometimes I hope I never see love itself again after burying the bad one's that I've experienced so far.

Every human being wants acknowledgment, somehow I only get the hard way to be notified as if I got a monster in myself. Life is getting so tough to cling on without anyone beside me. I felt as if my edge has become blunt in life as I fall into the loneliness syndrome. How I hate people judging others through their covers.

There hasn't been a goodness that happened in my life that I would like to remember. Others have happiness as they had friends celebrating their birthday, enjoying rides in theme park together. I've never gone through this. I lack the reliable people around me. All I can do is dream on everyday, imagine that the next day is just another day. Hoping that my life will end somehow from suffering instead of some beauty in life.

I wonder when I will stop ranting about poor old life of mine. I wish I can, probably that would stop me blogging horror vision of my life and post some happiness.