Argh !

Throws a pebble onto another pebble, you'll bounce the other pebble.

I am just so blur about a certain thing. I wish my heart and mind has another desire. Filling another person's heart with love is hard when your own heart doesn't have enough love.

I'm losing weight ! Why ? Well I don't know, Maybe I've been neglecting myself a lot lately. I'll start to double up my food intake from now on to achieve 14 KG ! Seriously ! I have never seen myself losing 4 KG before. This is a shock !

I've been sick with a bad sore throat for a week now, I wonder why it's not cured yet. I presented badly in my marketing course with the bad cough-cum-presentation. You can start imagine how it was like.

I just got my results today, NOT very happy with it, argh feels like the world is gonna drop on me, I don't feel like thinking about life for the moment, I am so lost.
What are you lost in you might ask, I am lost in life - love - studies - friends and basically everything that moves around in my head.

My eyes spins whenever I hear most of my classmates speaks in mandarin while they can't speak in Cantonese or English. I feel awkward at times, it makes me don't feel like communicating with them as I feel so lost, can't they be more considerate, after all we are still Chinese Malaysian.

I don't think I will ever get her, she's far away beyond my reach, she doesn't even notice me anyway. Probably my curse to swear that I will never get a girlfriend for the next 10 years is coming true since I made it after my last crush. God how I hate myself for being an ass hole and also to everyone, I don't think I even deserve good friends.

Sign off

Facing Destruction Once Again

When you play with fire, you're bound to get fired somehow.

I've been into relationship again. The very main reason everyone wants to be in a relationship is because they want to have some sense of belonging in another person's mind and heart. Yet again I face the destruction in my mind troubling and thinking how to make her mine. It's so much easier to communicate to another person if you think that you are just going to be a mutual friend that's all. Somehow it's harder to speak up to the person that you like. Fearing that they might give negative opinion or a big shock that might leave a scar in your mind.

My friends have always told me that love isn't hard and there is no easy way to get it unless you are very stubborn into the relationship. I tried once to be stubborn and the rest should be untold as it is filled with pain and suffering that no man will want to go through himself. Maybe it isn't my time yet to like another person. I haven't learn the value to not give up so easily, think positive at all times and be calm at every situation. What's more if I make another person's life a misery instead of happiness.

It's funny how my mind works up every time I like another person. Happy thoughts will come and recede with sadness, disapproval and disappointment. Sometimes I hope I never see love itself again after burying the bad one's that I've experienced so far.

Every human being wants acknowledgment, somehow I only get the hard way to be notified as if I got a monster in myself. Life is getting so tough to cling on without anyone beside me. I felt as if my edge has become blunt in life as I fall into the loneliness syndrome. How I hate people judging others through their covers.

There hasn't been a goodness that happened in my life that I would like to remember. Others have happiness as they had friends celebrating their birthday, enjoying rides in theme park together. I've never gone through this. I lack the reliable people around me. All I can do is dream on everyday, imagine that the next day is just another day. Hoping that my life will end somehow from suffering instead of some beauty in life.

I wonder when I will stop ranting about poor old life of mine. I wish I can, probably that would stop me blogging horror vision of my life and post some happiness.

Note

Felt a little sick this weekend due to dryness, should have drank more water with the rising heat these few days.

I had my hands tied up with assignments these few days not to mention having a test next week. I need to double my effort this Sunday. Sadly, I'll busy for the next few weeks with assignments keep coming on. My lecturers are very fuzzy with every detail in our assignment.

I've been watching Underworld and Underworld : Evolution (Part 2) directed by Len Wisemen. It's a great movie I must say, I love werewolves and vampires. Kate Beckinsale is 1 sexy woman inside the movie being the main character. I can't wait for the next installment of the part 3 in year 2009. That will be a little ahead of time but time will catch up with everyone soon.

Movies that awaits in my watching list right now would be Harry Potter. Hopefully I won't be busy during that time.

I've been listening a lot lately to Good Charlotte's : Keep your hands off my girl. I think I got addicted to it's starting beat. A lot of people said it's a bad production from the band. True in some part because the message is not clear in the song.

I'm kind of frustrated with people being selfish minded in my campus. I am doing them a favor but they are not appreciating it. It's sad that people are so narrow minded and can't take up responsibility. E.g I printed notes for the whole class and there is at least 1 black sheep that doesn't purchase it. It makes me feel awkward to become a class representative.

My dad has finally decided to buy a new Ford Ranger (TDCI <-- if i am not mistaken, correct me if i am wrong). This is so cool since it's a light truck with 5 auto gears. I only get my car changed after I graduate. I don't really put a lot of interest into purchasing a great car that can go 150 km/h. As long as it can brings me to my destination, I am happy enough.

I hope all my friends are doing great, it's been a long time since I hang out with you guys. I got tired with DOTA and computer games, haha. Don't get me wrong of being too "pro" but I think games are boring me (talk about gaming since 10 yrs old), I only play them during my leisure now.

That's all for now, I need to get back to my assignment

Meaning

Hmmm I know anyone would be tired to hear someone weeping over another thing over and over again. So I've finally decided to do something as a change. Some sad "dude" that actually called me a dude over the comment on my previous post. I'm sad to say that I've to enable my comment moderation to clean trashes from the comment box. Anyways to get things started, I need not to weep over that dude's pitiful comment over what so called as a "painful" remark that the dude tried to make that he/she could actually think it'll work to make anyone sad but me. I got over for weeping over friendship that goes on a bad cart over the hills. You need not to remind me of why I am disliked. Because you are just another human that just reads the cover of a book.

I don't think I need to get all the high and mighty in this post to make you look down. But I have to say that, everyone has their own choice, not only your rubbish view. If you think I don't deserve it, well it's your choice, there are still a thousand over people to make their decision. Sorry to say that the world is run this way with majority. And it will be painful to have a person like you "dude" to be a leader because you are not capable to value a person. Moreover, you are just another bad mouthing rat that spreads toxic to your poor friends to consume lies. Then again, I appreciate that you actually took your time to find my friendster and between your friends to get my blogspot.

Just forget it about trying to fire more fire crackers into my blogspot. I'm tired of seeing those colour effects. You might be thinking "o cool a reply from the jerko, let's tell everyone to read". Well read on, because I will still continue to ride on this world and in my blog as I wish to post anything I want to post about rather it's about you, my life, or anything else. And I can choose to judge whether if you're welcome or not.

I'm not the person here that is trying to create a bad flame war, but I guess you (dude) started it. Good night

Hardship in College Life

It happened that yesterday, I handed in my form for my running for the INTIMA (Inner Most) Student Board as President, a bad tomato which I have never spoken to for 3 semester had finally voiced out his view on me being the future President if I ever get elected that I will never get my chance until next life. How thoughtful of him, people such as these in Subang Jaya should have rot to death in my point of view. Remember that whatever you will say with your pathetic tongue that spreads poison can kill you in return with your face smashed from every corner of the world.

If he thinks he's too good, he might as well go run for it instead of talking too much trash. I doubt he would, even if he gets to be the president. He'll be a bad leader like President Bush. Favouritsm and member bashing. Not even before election, there is already bad mouthing on other candidate. I can't really tolerate these kind of people in Malaysia.

On the other hand, I wonder if I would be able to compete the president seat with my low qualification. Some workaholic loves to achieve certificates to prove. 1 of my friend said that a a certificate is better than action or words everywhere. I wonder how I will overcome this problem.

People in Subang Jaya are strange. Just because you don't talk to them and had never got the chance to start a good proper conversation. They'll start to make an image out of you by spreading bad rumours that you have never done in your life. This has not only happened to me but also for Indian student and foregin student. I find this a sad case. If I ever get the chance to be president. I vow to make changes that will help my college to turn into a friendly sociable place to study in rather than a zombie town that doesn't know each other within the campus.

It's funny that when the people that hate you suddenly sees you trying to climb a high ladder like me trying to run for the President seat. A so called classmate of mine which I have never acknowledge until she starts a proper conversation who is also trying to run for the vice president thinks I'll never get the president seat because she actually said "he'll never get it, trust me". Well enough of my useless classmates that are hopeless even they can do well in academic, they still suck in PR. If you want to choose your friends, without even caring about other peoples feeling that you can simply trash your words on someone, then I think these people shouldn't deserver anything even mercy when they are at the tip of death.

Another thing about my assignment mate is that, he thinks he's pretty good that he can actually find most of the material which I am proud of but he's simply calling all the shots as if I need not to do anything. Well that's good for him, but he's giving me bad impression that he's too proud of himself because he feels more superior than me when I give him a little bit of face. I actually finished my part of assignment and asked him to double check to see if it suits but he actually gave me a good reply of "Go check it yourself, if it's wrong, you'll die yourself". I am proud of these students in Malaysia that will act so selfishly in assignment. No wonder there is no teamwork in online games in Malaysia Server nor is there any teamwork in real life.

However, out of everything that is still light in the darkness. There are still people that are playing teamwork. I wonder why I am surrounded by too lazy - weak people or too clever - arrogant fools.

Things that happened lately

Well, let's start by saying I watch Pirates of the Caribbean 3 yesterday with Sheng at MV. The movie was great and I think I am in love with Keira Knightley ! (I'm just a guy ...).

Then today... (Saturday), I was suppose to go for my orientation night at my campus (INTISJ) but didn't turn up for it at the last minute because ... my friend said it wasn't interesting and insisted me to play at CC instead... I really wanted to go for the orientation night but ... I don't know what happened to my Will ... >.<

Sunday I'll plan to do a lot of things ... finish my assignment part, photocopy some document and passport size photo for my election in my college's student body... I hope I can really take up the duty. It's a good opportunity for me to learn more things ... but at the same time I have fear that I might not be able to do it well.

The guy that never moves on

Well, for those that doesn't know, it's been a long time since I last hung on a love cycle (2005). I don't think I will ever recover from that deep wound after so long. Hopefully things will change soon in my mind for the better thoughts in future. The reason I'm saying this is because I think I lost my sense of love. I am fearful to fall in love because I've been in a failure streak. Moreover, I've never loved anyone before, I don't know how to give love to someone that I actually like. It feels depressing sometimes to think that we have no one to truly provide love. You can say easily that "why not give your love for God?". Perhaps that will be another matter.

To summarize, I am just confused on what is love, I don't feel anything that relates to love because I don't know how it feels anymore. How I wonder how love would be like, does anyone set condition to love someone ?
I know it's not the time to think about all this things but I just want to express it out from my mind rather than keeping it inside and never to be foretold.