Lately ... (Part 3)

Nothing to do for today, so I've decided to go walk around Midvalley. Today, I managed to only get to stage 2 boss in time crisis 3 and died there ... using only 4 credits. I guess no more arcade games for me since it's an endless game unless the arcade center sponsor me (LOL). Then after that, I've decided to take a rest as my hand got so numb from the arcade game (ARCADE GAME IS HAZARDOUS TO HEALTH) and take a long walk to The Gardens at the new wing. I must say, when I entered the garden, the place was literally like a 5 star shopping complex and looks very classy but while returning back to the old wing, it's looks very dull and old.
I must say that, there are a lot of classy stores inside the gardens and it has 4 floors from the ground floor and needs extra walking which is probably good for women who loves to walk and shop for hours without getting bored. However, the gardens is not limited only to 4 floors as they are currently still developing the 5th floor and the lower ground floor is quite dull with just food stores and a supermarket. After walking for so long in the gardens which I felt like forever. I walked back to Midvalley to have a lunch at the Oasis and went to MPH to read some books awhile and went back home. It was drizzling when I went to Midvalley and came back out from Midvalley.

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I've just finished watching Hell's Kitchen Season 3 after the long weekend of waiting for it to be completely downloaded. There is a lot of twist this season and I must say, I am a person that love food (who doesn't?) but I am lazy to cook for the food but yet I am so hooked to wanting to learn how to cook my own dishes and impress people after watching 3 seasons of hell's kitchen and Gordon Ramsey is 1 bloody crazy boss out there but I guess I like him :P (Not gay ok!).

At first, I thought of looking for a job at The Gardens but then, looking at it so empty made me don't feel like working there. I guess not many people visits the gardens yet because not all the stores are open for business. Still debating in my mind if I should get a job in the gardens.. hmm

Lately ... (Part 2)

Well, the day started with me checking out whether my Hell's Kitchen Season 3 has already finished downloading or not .. I am so anxious to watch it !! Then, I went to check out facebook ... see if my warbook character got bombed badly by people or not =.=;;

After that... I'd figured that I should go watch 30 days of night at Midvalley alone. The movie was great actually ... although it wasn't really into my taste.. because I was so tension during the 2 hours because of the scary scenes. Well probably that proves that I am not so sadistic of person anymore because before this .. I would laugh at death scenes =.=;;.

After that, I went to Oasis and ate stingray and play in the arcade center for awhile ... gosh Time Crisis 3 is addicting but I should limit myself because I got no money T_T. Only managed to get until stage 2 scene 1 with 2 credits.

After that, I went to check out the Nseries roadshow in the center court. Now I am really hooked into the N82. If only I got like RM3,000 lol ... nah I'd figure that I'll only need it once my current phone is busted.

Then after that, I actually planned to go to the gardens to check it out ... but I was lazy so maybe another time la .. went back to home and go eat dinner. After that, I went to the night market to buy some coconut juice de ... but the store is closed ! omg ... then nvm lo ... treat as an exercise lol, walked for 3 Km :). That's for today ~_~

Lately...

Well, I had my grading test for taekwondo last Sunday, hopefully I will get my Green belt next Sunday :)

Then uhm, nothing much lo, just play arcade game ... I figured there is too little time for part time job !

Anyways, just went to my INTIMA Executive Committee President's gathering, there were around 20 - 25 people in the gathering, it was at my president's new house in Shah Alam. To tell you the truth.. I've never been into Shah Alam before and there is a story behind this hehe.. but it'll be the closing part :). Anyways, the gathering was more to a pot luck, my mom wasn't at home so she can't cook and I am not a cooker myself ... so I had to "tarpau". Felt embarrassing because everyone cooked their own food ! Oh well .. at least I brought "food". Anyways, after dinner, we played a game of truth or dare ... basically this version we played was write down the punishment into a piece of paper and it will be gathered into a "tudung" for food and then each person will draw a card from a deck of card and basically Ace is the lowest while King is the highest. I kena twice !! well actually once .. because the other 1 was like ... erm =.= dunno how to describe.. it was like being "woo-ed" to perform it with someone.
The first punishment was to kiss everyone's cheek including the guys in the gathering... omg =.= I felt like dying because I had never KISS a person's cheek before ... (maybe my mom when i was small so i can't remember =.=). Then .. for the second punishment, I had to put tomato sauce on both of my cheek .. and dance "cha cha" =.=;; ok ok... I feel so silly lol... and they say tomato sauce helps to keep skin smoother...
Then I went back around 10.20 and reached home around 11.05. Now why is so long ? well basically I got LOST in Shah Alam just because of the stupid signboard that wrote "Subang" but I couldn't see the aeroplane beside it and went to Subang Airport instead ... took me 2 tolls to get back to federal highway. Gosh .. went extra 10 km and 2 tolls ... arg ... and I've never used Kesas highway or LDP before... talk about how ULU I am ...

I think I need to start driving more so I can get to know more places !

That's all for today ~_~

Apologies

Sorry for the lack of update, I don't know why I suddenly can't access into my blogspot account after a long while of not updating it.

Well I'll update you on what happened lately, I went to my 32nd INTIMA Council Camp 2007 on the 4th - 6th November. I would say, it's a mixture of happiness and sadness on what happened during the camp. During the camp, we did Sea Rafting, Group Activities, Obstacle Course, Compass Marching and Night Walk.
I'll start with the good part, I get to know more about the people in my college. Apart from that, I've learned some valuable lesson in teamwork.
Now the bad part, I've learned that, people around me calculate a lot on how many good deeds you've done before they will think of helping you.

I'll elaborate it slowly from day 1 to day 3 :)

Day 1
I arrive at Eagle Ranch, Port Dickson at 10.30 am, the dorm was not ready until 5.00 pm (Bad Service). So we did some team building stuff like making a flag and creating a motto and a cheering dance. After that, we had our sea rafting and it was really tiring because I was flapping my paddle like a nut cracker. I've even jumped into the sea to get my flag.. barely can swim because i don't wanna drop my spectacles ! The flag kept floating away as we kept paddling nearer to it =.=. After the sea rafting, our dorms were ready and we moved our luggage into the dorm. This is the bad part, I've asked for help because I have some back problem and can't carry heavy things and you know what, earlier ago, my friend that asked me to help him picked up some of his luggage while he did saw me filled with my heavy backpack + a luggage and another plastic bag at another hand. Already no one helped me, and I replied, I'll see first because I need to put my stuff in the Hall Room first. When I came back out, he was no where and my friend had already helped him. So continuing from moving my luggage from the Hall to the Dorm which is like 2 KM far, I tried to call out for help, the friend of mine that heard my request didn't even bothered because I didn't help him earlier ago. How selfish and calculative can he be. So nvm, I don't want to strain my back and picked up my things 1 by 1, I had to make 2 rounds while my friend laughs behind my back. What a "friend". There was no hot water during at night to make my maggie mee T_T. I'm so hungry you know ... my stomach kept grumbling like a mad man but luckily I had some apple to bite on ^_^.

Day 2
I had my breakfast, today, we had a team building session again, we had to build a tall tower using just newspaper, my team did very well but we only managed to get 2nd :P. Then, it was time for lunch and gosh I must say, 3/4 of the food served during lunch and dinner are spicy food and I am not a big fan of spicy food. After lunch, we were suppose to have a group performance and my team decided on a drama. However, the performance was moved forward to night time while replacing it with obstacle course. During the obstacle course activity, my first aid officer forgot to get his first aid kit and the organizing chairperson asked me to get it from the "hall" but I thought I heard as in the guy's dorm so she gave me a bunch of keys. Well little did I know, the keys didn't work and I thought she gave me the wrong keys and I quickly ran 2 KMs away from the dorm back to the obstacle course area so make that back and forth = 4KM. She scolded me "Little things you can't even do" without even listening to my explanation. Well that's great, she made it as if I ruined her whole activity in case of someone getting injured during the obstacle course.
Anyways, during the obstacle course, our team which was the 1st group got 3rd place of the 3 groups. Mainly because our team has different sizes of members while the other teams were fit for obstacle course but anyways, it's all about team in the end. After that, I went to bath and had dinner. Soon after, it was compass marching time, whereby we move inside the forest based on the compass and the given bearing. 1 of our group member clumsily lost the compass on the way which was quite impossible because it had a string to be attached on his neck. I was told that it cost RM90+ and the whole team decided to share the burden to pay for it. Yet again, my team took 2x the amount of time compared to the other 2 teams to get through the forest. Probably we were just beginners but anyways we managed to reach our destination safe and sound. After that, it was lights off, but not many people wanted to sleep and the whole group of 20 - 25 people decided to play volleyball late at night lol. We played until 2.30 am and I decided to go back to my dorm and have my shower and sat down to look at the sky which had like 100+ over stars. I think I managed to catch a glimpse on a shooting star ^_^. That's for day 2.

Day 3
Basically, 1 of the organizer decided to cancel the morning exercise. I had my breakfast at 8 am, gosh I wish that I can sleep longer .. I slept like 3 am :S. Then, we had our outdoor game which consist of water balloon war and blindfold marching. After that, we had our tea break and had our photo session and prize giving and soon after, we had our lunch ^_^. We had 1 hour to pack up but some decided to spend time to play on go-kart, cycling and play UNO ^_^. We departed back to KL at 3.00 pm and reached my college at 5.30 pm.

Overall Injuries:
7 mosquito bites
Blue and black right hand from volleyball
1 Human Bite (A girl bit me in my bite, She must have been hungry @_@)
Muscle pain

That's all ^_^ Right now I'm having my 1 month and 3 weeks holiday, still figuring what to do with it, maybe I'll go work as a part timer ... still looking around ~

Existance

Ever reach to a point where it doesn't matter what you do, it seems you've never existed. Typically, I believe in this, I am feeling not anywhere near existing for what I'm doing, not feeling present to anyone's life. I'm just out of the history book. Now why is that happening ? The popular answer will be given, I deserve this because bla bla bla ya da ya da I don't want to listen those craps. Why did I even bother to post this up ? feels so annoying, no one would even read, oh I'll just treat it as a reference to myself. Yayyy YOINK!

Mixture

Went to Putrajaya Firework Finale last Sunday, it was an awesome night, wish it lasted all time in my mind, explosion is such an art that last less than few second. Bad thing about the firework is that the music was too loud and all the inconsiderate people were standing rather than sitting to enjoy the firework and they are not merely just standing on the ground but on chairs ! that makes things worse for short people, so anyways since everyone wants to be inconsiderate, I'll join in the crowd and guess what ? I was literally taller than all of those shorties. Muahahaha.

Hmm new semester is sooooo busy ... X_X and it's just the 3rd day after the college re-opened. Need to work harder, seems like I am learning a lot at the same time. But somehow, I am still day dreaming inside my mind that I need to start snapping out of it.

Hush ! It's been getting so awkward lately, friends keeping things to themselves (well if they want to, it's fine with me but lying about it ?) and figure that friends don't trust each other ? hmm, I guess I am not that trust worthy anymore to companions. But it's ok, I've expected it to happen long before this, not feeling hurt.

Orientation Day

Freshies for my September Intake ! :)

The day started with me being late because I had to do something else in the morning before heading to college.

Reached there and decided to enroll since my introduction was a little later approximately 30 minutes later. I went to enroll and met the head of the student affair office department and she told me off that I should be up there with everyone else. Well according to me, there are more than enough people that can help out in the room while some can even go chit-chatting and play around. So I decided not to waste time since it's only half day on Saturday. You know what this sissy head department did, she just told me off and before I could state my reason ( I got my permission from my president before going there to enroll and he approved ), She just walk off, what a bitch ! I am trying to use my time wisely and take full use of it instead of wasting it and she puts me as if I am wrong to spend my time wisely. Talk about no respect, she won't get a respect from me.

So after that, we had our campus tour as usual, all the freshies looks so blur :P. After that, we had a game that looks like BINGO but then participants must get names to answer questions in the piece of paper instead of ticking numbers :D.
The day ended all well with not a major or minor disaster. Because of that bitch, I couldn't get my timetable and get my card updated. Thank you very much.

I am very thankful that I passed all my subjects because I did so badly, I'll promise myself this semester I will work extra harder ! I only took 2 subjects this semester, so I guess I wouldn't be so cramped up with exercises and I don't want to take my level 2 subjects yet ... gosh I am so anxious now ... because starting next semester I will have to start taking my level 2 which will determine my degree's class ! God bless me with intelligence through the next few years ... =)

After the orientation day, me and few of my fellow friends went to had lunch (Bak Kut Teh). All in all, the day ended all well. Reached home and sleep then woke up to type this out hehe .... :)

Hmmm didn't know what to blog lately, not much happening actually which doesn't even make it into my blog entry but I'll just write it out since I haven't updated the blog for awhile.

There's meeting only with my college mates, other than that, nothing much. Hmmm seems everyone is so busy while I am so free with my time. I'm playing Granado Espada now while watching animes and waiting for the holidays to end. The prepare for orientation day for my college... hmmm.

O ya, today I saw 4 cars played bumper car :P, the middle car (wira) literally became a kancil after that accident ... gosh =.= it created a massive jam, another 1 would be a car accident in the federal highway =.= the motorcyclist was lying on the middle of the highway and not one helped him to get to the patch of grass. You know it's so dangerous that cars might not be able to see and just squash that poor guy. Accidents are happening so often so remember to drive safe !

Now I'm worried about my exam =.= this is the worse exam I've ever had, haven't been doing the whole semester well, God I hope I can gather enough strength to go on.

No one wants to live alone, but I think I'm getting more ignored and secluded. It must the boring-syndrome that is brought along with me whenever I try to communicate. Can't do much since I am an intrinsic person. I'll just live on with those that happens to be with me till the end.

17th Friday
After the exam, I just rested and just had a small breakfast before heading back and slept the whole morning and afternoon because I hadn't sleep in the past 32 hours. After that I headed to Genting around afternoon and arrive Genting at 6.30 pm. I quickly put my luggage into my hotel room and head towards dinner (Bak Kut Teh) with my family. After that, I just enjoyed the night scenery and enjoy chocolate and an ice lemon tea while play Big 2 in my phone before dozing off.

18th Saturday
I had a light breakfast at KFC before heading back to the hotel to pack up and ready to check out and leave Genting. I hanged out in Mushroom Farm and the Genting Temple before heading to Goh Tong Jaya to eat before departing from my aunts, uncle and grandma.

19th Sunday
Went to KL to look for a CD game and failed to find it ... then I went to celebrate my little cousin sister's birthday at my aunt's house.

20th Monday
Cutted my hair and watched Rush Hour 3 and ponder with my mind after that ...

Bad event
This lady in Portoguese Grilled Fish gave me a 1/2 cooked fish ! :@ and made me late 10 mins into my movie

21st Tuesday
Rest at home watching anime and fixed my car =)

22nd Wednesday
Watched Evan the Almighty and learned something ... :) then uh ... ponder at something serious ... gosh .. don't want to elaborate on it .. it's an impact in my life .. msg me if u wanna know =)

Bad event
This Malay lady thinks she got lucky and cut my line while I was lining up in carrefour counter and thinks I didn't notice her existance and keep looking at me while I gave my scary face at her and make her feel guilty for the whole day. I would have punished her severely by asking her to line up again but nah I don't want to cause a stir ^_^.

I'm so dead

I just want to cry now over my exam, it's the first time I did so badly, if only someone out there would hear my cries :(

Exam

My english paper just went over on Tuesday, it's the first time I had to think so hard to answer business english and my lecturer is a crack head because whatever I do, she'll give me 1/2 of everything !! *angry*.

I'll be having economic and statistic tomorrow and accounting and finance on friday .. then i'll be free !!! freedom ... because I have longed for it !! argh numbers are filling my mind and I started to dream that 1 + 1 = 1 =.=...

Ok... back to numbers =.= so many things to cramp into my mind ... hope i'll make it to the end ...

Reality Check

Time I stop fantasizing everyday how my world will be shaped according to it. Instead, I think my world should flow with it. People around me are different and are constantly improving themselves while I'm still in my old self, I must move on and put myself in a better position. "Achievement" is the word =).

What I want most right now ?

- Improving my english
- Using my knowledge that I've learnt so far to good use ( Work ? )

I don't see anymore point of just sitting around and pondering oh will she love me or not, how childish will that be if I thought of it. I must start building my career from somewhere =). How thoughtful of myself :D

Hope by then I found something I'll love to do at my spare time. Hmm time to job hunt during this break of mine =)

What I did for today...

Well, I just watched Claymore for the whole day ... and played a little C&C3 Tiberium War ...

Claymore was great ... I liked the story line ... but I think it built up too fast ... don't you think so ? The main character got developed so fast from a quiet 1 to a supernatural 1.. in less than 20 episodes ... not that quite similar with death note where they elaborate a ton of details .. but I guess the story writer don't want to kill the anime with boredom such as fillers and such which is a good thing but neglecting some part of the story is still bad ...

I found that animes draw my attention a lot from the real world ... makes my mind start to imagine lovable things =). If only life is like a cartoon ay ? =).

Argh, thank god I didn't buy C&C3 though .. it's boring =.= i mean the cinematic scenes are boring ... and the game play is the same ... :( it's a disappointment to me ... I hope starcraft 2 would be a different when it releases .. I had a bad time playing the game C&C with my old PC that is 5 yrs old ... but it's still functional =) but it won't last the latest generation of games ... I'd guess I'll only get a new one in the next few years ... no $$$ X_X...

Now I'm looking for Code geass and Darker than black anime fansub sites ... someone please give me the link up !! thanks a lot :P I want to fill my time with animes =)

Apart from all these stuff I've just talked about, I'll start on something more romantic =) which is of course, [ L O V E ] itself, I've learned that, girls that are not interested in a guy, would not care much about him other than just being a friend, examples would be if a guy is having some bad times, a girl friend would just be there and hear him but would not be able to comfort him. I've learned that through a lot of observation. I've become more knowledgeable when it comes to knowing if a girl really likes me instead of myself clapping 1 sided.

Randomness

Plans after my final exam

- Rush Hour 3 Movie
- Eat
- Sleep
- Eat
- Sleep
- Eat
- Sleep
- =.= now you know why I need someone to fill me up

I got a question though, hope someone can answer me ...
How can I get involve more with life ? I wish I can find some activities to do with friends and new people that I can meet to make my life more happening.
I wonder if anyone could give me some suggestion to find some organization or group activities that I can get involved in =)

As beautiful as winter white,
Flowers turn purple,
Loves falls upon red.

Looking for activities to do after 18th August, call me or msn me ( heaven_gate20@hotmail.com) you might need to talk to me personally for phone number :P so I don't get anonymous calls =.=...

I want to fill my time, so if you got anything happening like church outing, events, trips, movies, games, hang out, talk or watching UFO if you sight 1, make sure you call or inform me in my msn !! thanks :P

My birthday celebration (2nd and 3rd Aug)

2nd August
The event started when I pick up Sherman and Jonathan from Danau Desa. We had a jam on the way since it was weekday (Thursday). We reached there around 7.30 pm and met up with Gadiy. Then we decided to look for classy restaurants, Gadiy's suggestion was at first to have it at All-Star Cafe but then he suggested to try out Chilli's. We agreed and waited for our turn to be seated. We ordered some nachos with beef sauce as starter while waiting for Shaun, James Lim and Han Sheng. We ordered dinner after everyone has arrived. I called for a fagrita .. something like tacos haha while others ordered lamb steak and hamburger (very big hamburger indeed). I drank more than 6 glasses of fruit juice that night. We crapped a lot that night especially with Han Sheng's sexist joke which brings down the ceiling lol. Soon after the dinner, I was surprised with a cake (Chocolate cake with banana inside). It was nice, but sadly I was bloated already with all the tacos !!. We consumed the cake until it left 3 slices and Gadiy started to say that he would dare himself to give 2 pieces of cake to the girls of 6 that sat beside our table who happens to celebrate 1 of their friend's birthday too, such a coincidence huh ? (our table had 7 guys :P). Gadiy talked crapped for 30 minutes without an action that he would do it, the bet on the table was RM5 from himself and Shaun add the stake by putting in a free movie ticket on later :P. Gadiy continued to accused us (Shaun and Me) as Jacun <-- dunno what it means lol... anyways ... suddenly I've decided to do the honor and take up the bet. I gave the ladies the 2 pieces of cake and took a picture with the birthday girl, I didn't want to take the phone number... felt paiseh haha... I got praised by all my friends for bravery :D ... Gadiy was speechless, after the dinner, we decided to catch Die Hard 4.0 or The Simpsons. Gadiy was deciding to pay me RM5 (he owed me RM5 from previous BBQ) but was reluctant to pay up but Shaun forced him @_@. Gadiy felt upset that night and left us alone .. he didn't join us for the movie... however, we moved on ... (hope you're fine now Gadiy, I felt bad) for the movie, there wasn't Die Hard 4.0 anymore so we watched the simpsons, it was really hilarious ! I laughed the whole night for every 3 minute in that movie, definitely a good movie that is worth watching. The night ended after the movie, I drove Sherman back home =) and received tons of SMS in my phone, Thank You To All My Friends !! I love you all =) I had a really nice day =)

James, Shaun, Sherman, Gadiy, Jonathan, Han Sheng, Me =)

My birthday cake with my initials

3rd August
The day started with some birthday SMS from friends =) Then sadly, a lot of them didn't get to turn up in the last minute, Sylvia and Chu Xian turned up for my day, I felt embarrass because there was so little people, but I won't let it affect my day, I took them to Sushi King for lunch. Sylvia presented me a gift =) thanks :D, then after that we went for Pool, Sylvia didn't know how to play so Chu XIan played with me and lost badly .. because he was a beginner. I felt like a bully X_X. After that, we went for bowling X_X I managed to score 2 perfect score only haha .... then after the game of bowling, we decided to go back because Chu Xian had to rush things in the college. I wanted to bring him somewhere to eat, but maybe another time la =) I had a fun day also, thanks for the company, Sylvia and Chu Xian =) Thanks a lot :D

Sing-K at Red Box - Low Yat

It's my first time going to karaoke with my friends ... I must admit I suck in singing !! that's why I would never enter Malaysian Idol ! lol ... anyways it was a good outing. It started out as I need to go to Tong Shin Hospital to clean up my nose. Then, I quickly rush back to Mid Valley to meet up with my friends (Jia Hui, Chu Xian and Wei Cai) before heading to Low Yat =). Thanks for Chu Xian for fetching all of us there .. I am not that experience in running around Kuala Lumpur city :S I get confused easily with the roads ... but slowly but surely, I'll learn how to move about.

We sang for more than 4 hours X_X talk about having sore throat !, but it was fun at the same time, Jia Hui sing like a professional !!, We might plan to have INTI idol soon lol and Jia Hui can be the INTIMA representative !! omg ... then she'll be so happy if she wins :P, Chu Xian didn't sing much ahhh X_X maybe not his style ... same as mine =.= I just sang for fun :P, Wei Cai sing a lot of songs ooo hehe... later comment here ahh !!, I had a lot of laughter. After that session, my friend had to rush back to college for assignment (I also have an assignment due on monday !! argh need to complete it asap after typing this). Sadly, we didn't have the time to go hang kai around other places ... time is soooo precious as you get older ... X_X

P:S forgot to add that wei cai kena the automatic pole X_X I failed to save him, luckily he survived lol ... ok just joking =.=;; I called him 3 seconds before that thing hit him X_X but he still walk at the direction @_@

INTI Ball 2007

INTI Ball 2007 was great, the food was so-so however ... but then again, ladies on that night were fantastically prettier than normal college days, cosmetics really works wonder to ladies, but then again, it's also a night where a lot of love are wrongly chosen out of appearance. Beauty won't win the challenge against time, a ripe beautiful red apple will soon turn into a rotten dirty old apple. Love is count by what is in the heart.

The ball left me a lot of sweeter memories compared to my prom night 2005. The theme was "Today's dream, Tomorrow's memories". The night will always be remembered by myself as a beautiful night filled with dreams that I wanted to achieve, and today it's my memories as I still remember what I dreamt yesterday. Congratz to my friend that won the prom queen, Jia Hui =) and also for the great drama performance by Sarah and Elaine. After that, we had some picture sessions, I'll keep it as my sweet memories. I felt really really happy that night, it's the night that I didn't stop laughing happily and smiling all the way back home :D. @_@ The dance floor was a little too small to accommodate 300+ people ... and the music was too loud.

We received some hampers from Nescafe but sadly I didn't do the free tattoo T_T, it really looked so cool, wanted to pose with it ... but haiz ... too late because the booth was already closed when the ball started.

Argh !

Throws a pebble onto another pebble, you'll bounce the other pebble.

I am just so blur about a certain thing. I wish my heart and mind has another desire. Filling another person's heart with love is hard when your own heart doesn't have enough love.

I'm losing weight ! Why ? Well I don't know, Maybe I've been neglecting myself a lot lately. I'll start to double up my food intake from now on to achieve 14 KG ! Seriously ! I have never seen myself losing 4 KG before. This is a shock !

I've been sick with a bad sore throat for a week now, I wonder why it's not cured yet. I presented badly in my marketing course with the bad cough-cum-presentation. You can start imagine how it was like.

I just got my results today, NOT very happy with it, argh feels like the world is gonna drop on me, I don't feel like thinking about life for the moment, I am so lost.
What are you lost in you might ask, I am lost in life - love - studies - friends and basically everything that moves around in my head.

My eyes spins whenever I hear most of my classmates speaks in mandarin while they can't speak in Cantonese or English. I feel awkward at times, it makes me don't feel like communicating with them as I feel so lost, can't they be more considerate, after all we are still Chinese Malaysian.

I don't think I will ever get her, she's far away beyond my reach, she doesn't even notice me anyway. Probably my curse to swear that I will never get a girlfriend for the next 10 years is coming true since I made it after my last crush. God how I hate myself for being an ass hole and also to everyone, I don't think I even deserve good friends.

Sign off

Facing Destruction Once Again

When you play with fire, you're bound to get fired somehow.

I've been into relationship again. The very main reason everyone wants to be in a relationship is because they want to have some sense of belonging in another person's mind and heart. Yet again I face the destruction in my mind troubling and thinking how to make her mine. It's so much easier to communicate to another person if you think that you are just going to be a mutual friend that's all. Somehow it's harder to speak up to the person that you like. Fearing that they might give negative opinion or a big shock that might leave a scar in your mind.

My friends have always told me that love isn't hard and there is no easy way to get it unless you are very stubborn into the relationship. I tried once to be stubborn and the rest should be untold as it is filled with pain and suffering that no man will want to go through himself. Maybe it isn't my time yet to like another person. I haven't learn the value to not give up so easily, think positive at all times and be calm at every situation. What's more if I make another person's life a misery instead of happiness.

It's funny how my mind works up every time I like another person. Happy thoughts will come and recede with sadness, disapproval and disappointment. Sometimes I hope I never see love itself again after burying the bad one's that I've experienced so far.

Every human being wants acknowledgment, somehow I only get the hard way to be notified as if I got a monster in myself. Life is getting so tough to cling on without anyone beside me. I felt as if my edge has become blunt in life as I fall into the loneliness syndrome. How I hate people judging others through their covers.

There hasn't been a goodness that happened in my life that I would like to remember. Others have happiness as they had friends celebrating their birthday, enjoying rides in theme park together. I've never gone through this. I lack the reliable people around me. All I can do is dream on everyday, imagine that the next day is just another day. Hoping that my life will end somehow from suffering instead of some beauty in life.

I wonder when I will stop ranting about poor old life of mine. I wish I can, probably that would stop me blogging horror vision of my life and post some happiness.